This was really weird

So I'm a little confused. I'll explain...

Former soon-to-be and I took our canine companion down to the river today; the Chattahoochee river, which is only steps from our back porch. This river was made famous by 7 Native Americans, 2 Lake Lanier release valves and one pitchy Alan Jackson tribute whose music video depicts nothing I've ever seen nor done on 'the Hooch'. And while walking one of the trails, the strangest thing happened...

Coming at us down the trail at a pace somewhere between a brisk walk and labored jog was a very large black man with hands deep inside his puffy coat pockets. Behind him, shoeless and with labored breath was a portly white man, shouting "stop him! Stop him!"

I chose not to interfere.

Turns out the the portly white man was a peace officer. City of Roswell. For some unspecified reason he was angry with the man he was jogging after and consequently, angry with my wife and I for not trying to apprehend him.

Winners and Losers 2009

Welcome back to my 97 Part Year in Review! If you have missed the previous 18 parts, that is too bad for you. The following is Part 19, Winners and Losers of 2009. The winners are not quite as dramatic as the losers, so we'll start with the winners:

WINNERS

Josh Grobin. Man can this dude sing. Psych! Total loser.

Azalea, my newest niece born December 19, 2009. Well done Azalea, so happy you are here!

Lady Gaga. No, I'm serious. If you haven't seen the SNL performance by her, check it out now. It was amazing and comepletely changed my opinion of freak-show, 20-something, I-want-to-make-a-statement female vocalists. She is a freak-show but totally awesome.

Chef Kroll. Our dog, who went from squalid, outdoor fencepost living to luxury condominium accomodations because of those big ears and his ability to make my wife's heart melt.

Shannon. My wife, who without her, I don't know where I'd be.

LOSERS

Nancy Pelosi. I know I said we wouldn't discuss politics here but seriously, Nancy Pelosi.

Josh Groban.

Anyone with swine flu. That sucks.

Well that's it. It took extensive research and an exhaustive review process but I feel like we really narrowed down 2009's biggest winners and losers. Keep checking back for part 34 of my 163 Part 2009 Year in Review where we'll discuss exciting 2009 events like my really close parking spot at Kroger on a Sunday and selling an entertainment stand on Craig's List.

Year in Review Part 1

The following is Part 1 of my official 37 Part 2009 Year in Review. I originally attempted to re-post last year's Year in Review but discovered that the only thing that happened in 2008 and 2009 were changes to Facebook's privacy policy. If you are easily offended or like pulp in your orange juice, you may want to navigate away from this blog. I can suggest acceptable alternates, like Soupy Sammy's Sandwich Blog or Pulp up your Life, a guide to Judicious Juice in an Unfair World. But you'll find none of that hackery here. On this blog, not only do I make up words but my Year in Review will consist of things you may have heard little or nothing about. Most of it is about things that happened to me or near me so if you don't like me, I wouldn't necessarily leave because there may be some things in here that make you smile, if you happen to be the spiteful type. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble... so you've been warned, let's get to it.

Barack Obama was sworn is as America's first black president. "But Ben," you say, "I thought you said this wasn't supposed to be like all the other Year in Reviews out there?" You are correct, and although we begin with Barry, it's not the point. Sure, first black president, OMG he's so cool and collected, look at his wife's arms, blah blah blah. The coolest part of the inauguration is that there exists a 1400 megapixel photo of it. I had no idea. In 2008 I thought you were cool if you had more than 10 megapixels. That means that the guy who took this photo is 140 times cooler than what I thought was cool last year. Amazing.

I got married! Yes it was awesome, although has proceeded steadily downhill in the past couple months due to my circus addiction. I'd rather not talk about it. If you weren't there, the ceremony was amazing, ministered by good friend Dave. We had a fun party afterward and spent a week in the Caribbean where we ran out of money and were forced to tag sea turtles for a return ticket home. A word of caution about sea turtles, nah, you get the point.

The wife and I found a lonely dog that needed a home. He cannot hear a thing and has more frantic energy than the first seven rows of a Jonas Brothers concert. But we love Chef and he makes us laugh often. It is very interesting to watch Chef because he has some simple, yet tried and true philosophies on dealing with life. According to Chef, anything that he is unsure about must be peed on. Not necessarily immediately, maybe some snoutal investigation is in order but eventually, it must be peed on. I attempted to adopt this philosophy but the results were less than beneficial. Again, apologies to all of my neighbors.

This concludes Part 1 of my 42 Part Year in Review. Look forward to upcoming parts, not necessarily in order. In future parts we will discuss exciting 2009 events such as my Annual Homeowners Association Meeting, my trip to QuikTrip in March and being beaten by the weather in Denver for the second year in a row.

A message to you, and Soon-to-be

Oh snap. So long since I’ve posted even the slightest amount of verbiage for you to see. For this, I am not sorry. I do realize I have kept you in suspense, up long nights, perspiring in wretched anticipation of my next words, unable to think or concentrate, not sure whom to turn to. Oh you’ve tried other blogs, other raucous ramblings from mischievous miscreants who peruse and abuse the English language. But you returned on the nigh, faithfully checking daily and it is only now that you are rewarded. But what sweet relief! And although there exists no remorse from me to you, like a superfluous sack of studded secret-santa stockings, your loyalty ingratiates me.

The question now becomes, where have I been? Well to answer this question, you must solve a series of riddles, each more challenging than the last. Actually, that is not true at all. There will be no riddles.

So really, I’ve been gallivanting all over the country, crisscrossing our nation’s scenic patchwork of cities in pursuit of some really good landings. I found one in Hastings, Nebraska last week but gave it up to a 4100 foot gem of an upslope in Douglas, Wyoming. Then there was the bouncer down the runway in Paducah, Kentucky but I wasn’t flying that one. Knoxville, Tennessee offered a real greaser and so did Lantana, Florida but the best was Tampa Bay. I think it’s because I was wearing my Tampa Bay Lightning hat, which, incidentally, has its own very exciting story.

Anyway, one of the highlights over the past couple of weeks was going to the University of Tennessee’s home football opener. There were 104,000 people there and 7 of them were not wearing orange. I think everyone should go see a game like that at least once. The feeling is electric when that place gets loud… it’s pretty wild.

Other big news is my upcoming marriage. It’s only 6 days away… wow. I’m getting to marry the woman of my dreams in front of 80 of my closest friends and family and then get to spend a week in the Virgin Islands. Please pray that no major hurricanes blow through the Leewards over the next couple of weeks. Thanks for your help.

Enjoy these kick ass photos. And you’re welcome.

Also, I don’t know where I got the word ‘nigh’ from but it sounded like it fit.

And Soon-to-be, you really are the best. Missin you tonight, the Gulf Coast just isn’t the same without you… 5 days to go, can’t wait!

I miss the Peach Pit

Just wanted to say hello to everyone... haven't been able to blog much lately and I am a little upset with my email right now because sometimes I'll type a long email and my computer will send the email without actually including the text. Weird huh? I find that strange because years ago when people still wrote letters, you didn't have to worry about the ink disappearing. Unless you used disappearing ink... What am I getting at? Well I'm quite certain that my computer uses disappearing fonts. I know it sounds so crazy but you know what else sounded crazy? An upper-middle class family from suburban Minneapolis uprooting themselves from their pseudo-Canadian lifestyle and bringing their "O"-lacking accents and wholesome midwestern values to Beverly Hills. Ahh, the good ol' days of disappearing ink and Luke Perry.

Attention everyone! This is my first attempt at mobile blogging. Right now I'm somewhere between Miami and Atlanta. If you do not hear from me again within 3 days, please assume that I have been either kidnapped by the Russian mafia or sold as slave labor to a bunch of hairy Ishmaelites. In either case, the mobile blogging will have proven an unwise choice.

Do what you love

Greetings fellow blog-enthusiasts! Welcome to another exciting According to Me post... So much has happened recently and it may take a few posts to fill you in.

First, if you're not doing what you love to do in life, start running towards that goal. And I do mean run because, and excuse the cliche, life really is way too short. I say this because I have spent a fair amount of time doing things that I didn't want to do until I made a decision to do what I love to do. What this means for me is that I get to teach people how to fly. I get to spend countless hours crammed inside a tiny cockpit, endure stifling heat, hours of repetitive maneuvers, moments of sheer terror, endless turbulence and landings that bounce more than one of Bernie Madoff's checks. And then I step out of the airplane and they solo and return to the earth with a skip in their step and a walk that's just a bit taller because now they're a pilot, and I can't help but smile all the way home.

And from time to time, due to my occupational circumstances, I get to do very fun things. In upcoming posts, I'll tell you more about Soon-to-be and my exciting July 4th weekend trip to Clearwater, FL.