End of the Day

Alright people, let's talk about something that is very important. If you're a person who uses the term "at the end of the day" to offer a summation of critical points of your argument or commentary, please cease and desist immediately. I am somewhat reluctant at this point to persue legal means to persuade your compliance but do understand that I have retained counsel and am prepared for that recourse should it become necessary. As possibly the most over abused cliche in the history of the English language, it is difficult to reach the "end of the day" without hearing it uttered at least once, sometimes several more times, usually from pseudo-intellectual types who don't even make much sense to begin with. Thanks.

Lifestyle Change

I went wakeboarding on Lake Lanier with soon-to-be, neighbor, Marb, and neighbor's sister. Minister was unable to make it due to occupational issues. I feel like I did very well and was able to get up, turn and even exit the wake, stage left. However, if you've never wakeboarded before, you'd be surprised at how difficult it is to turn right, assuming you keep your left foot forward. It's an opposite-Zoolander-watersport thing.

But after my initial training, and some excellent coaching, I moved into some advanced wakeboarding maneuvers and was photographed mid-flip. I have decided to quit my job and join the pro-wakeboarder circuit. It's a pretty intense lifestyle which focuses mainly on Red Bull and Black Eyed Peas singles and may include me getting a pretty sweet joker tattoo. Hopefully I'll be able to obtain some sweet corporate sponsors like Febreeze and Arm & Hammer baking powder. I also look forward to visiting some of America's most formidable wakeboarding lakes like Arkansas's Lake Lotsagatorsinhere, or South Dakota's Bigolcatfishuleatchya Lake. Oh man.

A few things to talk about on Saturday morning

Welcome to the weekend! After an exhaustive week of flying, I'm looking forward to a lazy Saturday afternoon with soon-to-be and a fun day on the lake on Sunday. I think I'll try slalom water skiing again and hopefully I'll be able to get out of the water this time. Larkin is a good boat driver. So, that just might be the biggest problem I have in my life today... pretty cool. There are also many inetresting things going on, both personally and internationally.

I think the protests in Iran are an amazing thing. I'm not a big fan of oppressive regimes (unless of course it's an oppresive Zionist regime) and I support the Iranians who are challenging their government. I am reminded of Abraham Lincoln's famous quote, "Any people anywhere, being inclined and having the power, have the right to rise up, and shake off the existing government, and form a new one that suits them better. This is a most valuable - a most sacred right - a right, which we hope and believe, is to liberate the world..." Go Iran.

CBS has a new reality show in which families will be walled off within their neighborhood. The neighborhood is in Kennesaw, GA, just a few miles from Cobb County Airport. I have been trying to find it from the air but no joy yet. I'll keep you informed.

Soon-to-be and I are less than 3 months away from getting married. I have decided that one of the most annoying things in the world is when people patronizingly tell you to "back out now!", or "don't do it" and then laugh like it's the funniest thing since William Hung sang 'She Bang' on American Idol Season 3. Really people, if your marriage is so horrible maybe you should "back out now" or at least run something a little more original up the old proverbial marriage pole. I guess this could have been part 3 of my 2 Part, 7 Part series on Things in Life that Really Annoy me. Yes, I said it right, re-read it if you have to.

Soon-to-be is also the coolest person I have ever met. Lucky am I to be marrying her, she is the best friend I've ever had.

FB UPDATE: No recent friend cancellations
TWITTER UPDATE: Still not using it
MYSPACE UPDATE: Never used it
iPhone UPDATE: iPhone has become increasingly angry with me and is threatening to nationalize me

UPDATE

After discussing the matter with my minister, I attempted to slalom water ski on Lake Lanier earlier today. If my ultimate goal was to achieve sore muscles, several facefulls of water and a healthier orange glow to my already sunburned body (see previous post for further information on this topic), then today was an unmitigated success. And, if my penultimate goal was to succeed in staying on one ski for at least 3.5 seconds, then again, righteous success.

So thanks to Dave, my Minister and sage, for his counsel and wisdom.

Also, for those of you who are waiting for my 2010 photo calender, the photo shoot ocurred this weekend and was a total success! I've attached a bonus photo to this blog post enititled "Grrr, I'm a tiger", and may even use this one for the March, 2010 photo. Remember you can pre-order your calender today and save 10%.

So many things to write about... so much time. Where shall I begin? Tonight I'll start with my trip to Florida with soon-to-be. I was reminded of many beachy things on this trip, including but not limited to the fact that there is no vocabulary substitute, nor appopriate synonym for "beachy". Also, it was relieving to be refreshed on my antiquated rip-tide escape procedures; something we could all use a refresher on.

We found ourselves on Friday night in Destin, Florida. It's on the panhandle of Florida and is known for it's white sand beaches and emerald green waters; aptly named the Emerald Coast. That morning, soon-to-be and I had loaded ourselves into a 2002 Cessna 172S and made the 237 nautical mile (a nautical mile is just over 6000 feet) trip down to Destin in just under 2 hours. We then proceeded to spend the next 24 of 36 hours glued to the sand, inches from the lapping waves. It was many things, including relaxing, serene, hot, salty, humid, fun and most of all, beachy. I ate a few fresh gulf shrimp, some fresh gulf crab and a couple fresh gulf mosquitos. It was wonderful.

The picture here is of soon-to-be piloting us over Alabama on our way back. She is a great pilot with great sunglasses!

51

Good news people! Here it is, in no particular order except that maybe the coolest stuff is last, so yeah, it is in a particular order, or then again, maybe not, and maybe I put way too many commas into this sentence.

1) This is the 51st post of this blog, which means there were 50 excellent, informative and inspirational "According to Me"s before this one. Hopefully the next 50 will be even better. In fact, I'll be having a 100th post soiree to celebrate. There will be prizes and food and drinks and live entertainment. Comment to this post on what date you think I'll reach this milestone and the person who comes closest will receive a special prize!

2) Sometimes when you think that what's happening in your life is a really bad thing, that very event turns about to be the best thing in the world that could have happened.

3) I have a hair dresser. After an exhaustive, world-wide search that involved multiple locales, 7 cows and 1 unruly Elvis impersonator, I finally found a really great hair dresser in Norcross, GA. What have I learned from all of this? The spikey-haired wet look is out.

4) I am really excited for soon-to-be's sister, who is waxing with child. She is good people and I am sufficiently confident that her posterity will be as well.

5) Soon-to-be and I are planning a trip down to Florida this weekend. We'll be flying ourselves down there which makes the whole thing easier and way more fun. Am I bragging because I have my pilot's license? Yes, and I don' feel bad because I worked my ass off for it.

6) I lost some Facebook friends this week. I'll be okay. If you're looking for a good Facebook friend, I suggest Paul. He understands that the hair fashion world is trending dry-look right now.

7) I would like to try slalom water skiing. I will talk to my wedding ceremony minister about this.

8) Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for the continued support of the blog and remember to comment about what date you think I'll reach 100 posts. I know it's very exciting.

Celebrity Death Match (and by "celebrity" I mean internet social medium)

As many of you are well aware, According to Me has been angry with my Twitter account for some time. The blog has been understandably jealous and I felt it appropriate to refrain from "twittering" and "blogging" simultaneously; at least until the blog calms down a bit. So for those of you following my Twitter account, my apologies, I'll get back to it soon.

Good movie- "The Hangover". Really funny.
Good blog- "According to Me". Really awesome. But you already know that.

Whats up with that?

What is up with "holocaust deniers"? It's not really an issue that makes me angry or gets me all riled up, I just don't understand it. Not only does there exist actual, physical, tangible, material proof that genocide against 12 million Europeans occurred, the Nazis went to great pains to actually document the event. Saying that it didn't take place is like saying that television doesn't exist. If you went around saying that, maybe making impassioned speeches about how television is a lie perpetrated by an oppressive Zionist regime, people would look at you very strangely and think "Wow, if this person isn't an idiot, then... well, no, they're just an idiot." Is there anyone out there that doesn't think the holocaust actually occurred? I really would love to hear from you.

And what's up with people that remove you as their friend on Facebook? I'm not really offended or hurt by the matter, if I were I would have to kick my own ass. I'm trying to figure out the real-life social equivalent to a FB de-friend and all that ends up happening is me laughing my ass off because I'm even thinking about it.

Does insurance cover this?

I really hope that I'm not an idiot. I mean I really hope that I am smart enough not to cause lasting nerve damage to my elbow by holding my cell phone to my ear for too long. According to a recent CNN online article, we are advised to switch hands while on the phone if our fingers begin to feel numb. It's really too bad because that article, in all its worthless glory, spawned an even further worthless response in the form of this blog commentary. So I'm sorry. Sorry for CNN and sorry you had to read my commentary about it. Hmm, now that I've thought about it, I'm most sorry for the people that don't think to put down the phone when they can't feel their fingers anymore.