Year in Review Part 1

The following is Part 1 of my official 37 Part 2009 Year in Review. I originally attempted to re-post last year's Year in Review but discovered that the only thing that happened in 2008 and 2009 were changes to Facebook's privacy policy. If you are easily offended or like pulp in your orange juice, you may want to navigate away from this blog. I can suggest acceptable alternates, like Soupy Sammy's Sandwich Blog or Pulp up your Life, a guide to Judicious Juice in an Unfair World. But you'll find none of that hackery here. On this blog, not only do I make up words but my Year in Review will consist of things you may have heard little or nothing about. Most of it is about things that happened to me or near me so if you don't like me, I wouldn't necessarily leave because there may be some things in here that make you smile, if you happen to be the spiteful type. Anyway, I'm starting to ramble... so you've been warned, let's get to it.

Barack Obama was sworn is as America's first black president. "But Ben," you say, "I thought you said this wasn't supposed to be like all the other Year in Reviews out there?" You are correct, and although we begin with Barry, it's not the point. Sure, first black president, OMG he's so cool and collected, look at his wife's arms, blah blah blah. The coolest part of the inauguration is that there exists a 1400 megapixel photo of it. I had no idea. In 2008 I thought you were cool if you had more than 10 megapixels. That means that the guy who took this photo is 140 times cooler than what I thought was cool last year. Amazing.

I got married! Yes it was awesome, although has proceeded steadily downhill in the past couple months due to my circus addiction. I'd rather not talk about it. If you weren't there, the ceremony was amazing, ministered by good friend Dave. We had a fun party afterward and spent a week in the Caribbean where we ran out of money and were forced to tag sea turtles for a return ticket home. A word of caution about sea turtles, nah, you get the point.

The wife and I found a lonely dog that needed a home. He cannot hear a thing and has more frantic energy than the first seven rows of a Jonas Brothers concert. But we love Chef and he makes us laugh often. It is very interesting to watch Chef because he has some simple, yet tried and true philosophies on dealing with life. According to Chef, anything that he is unsure about must be peed on. Not necessarily immediately, maybe some snoutal investigation is in order but eventually, it must be peed on. I attempted to adopt this philosophy but the results were less than beneficial. Again, apologies to all of my neighbors.

This concludes Part 1 of my 42 Part Year in Review. Look forward to upcoming parts, not necessarily in order. In future parts we will discuss exciting 2009 events such as my Annual Homeowners Association Meeting, my trip to QuikTrip in March and being beaten by the weather in Denver for the second year in a row.

A message to you, and Soon-to-be

Oh snap. So long since I’ve posted even the slightest amount of verbiage for you to see. For this, I am not sorry. I do realize I have kept you in suspense, up long nights, perspiring in wretched anticipation of my next words, unable to think or concentrate, not sure whom to turn to. Oh you’ve tried other blogs, other raucous ramblings from mischievous miscreants who peruse and abuse the English language. But you returned on the nigh, faithfully checking daily and it is only now that you are rewarded. But what sweet relief! And although there exists no remorse from me to you, like a superfluous sack of studded secret-santa stockings, your loyalty ingratiates me.

The question now becomes, where have I been? Well to answer this question, you must solve a series of riddles, each more challenging than the last. Actually, that is not true at all. There will be no riddles.

So really, I’ve been gallivanting all over the country, crisscrossing our nation’s scenic patchwork of cities in pursuit of some really good landings. I found one in Hastings, Nebraska last week but gave it up to a 4100 foot gem of an upslope in Douglas, Wyoming. Then there was the bouncer down the runway in Paducah, Kentucky but I wasn’t flying that one. Knoxville, Tennessee offered a real greaser and so did Lantana, Florida but the best was Tampa Bay. I think it’s because I was wearing my Tampa Bay Lightning hat, which, incidentally, has its own very exciting story.

Anyway, one of the highlights over the past couple of weeks was going to the University of Tennessee’s home football opener. There were 104,000 people there and 7 of them were not wearing orange. I think everyone should go see a game like that at least once. The feeling is electric when that place gets loud… it’s pretty wild.

Other big news is my upcoming marriage. It’s only 6 days away… wow. I’m getting to marry the woman of my dreams in front of 80 of my closest friends and family and then get to spend a week in the Virgin Islands. Please pray that no major hurricanes blow through the Leewards over the next couple of weeks. Thanks for your help.

Enjoy these kick ass photos. And you’re welcome.

Also, I don’t know where I got the word ‘nigh’ from but it sounded like it fit.

And Soon-to-be, you really are the best. Missin you tonight, the Gulf Coast just isn’t the same without you… 5 days to go, can’t wait!

I miss the Peach Pit

Just wanted to say hello to everyone... haven't been able to blog much lately and I am a little upset with my email right now because sometimes I'll type a long email and my computer will send the email without actually including the text. Weird huh? I find that strange because years ago when people still wrote letters, you didn't have to worry about the ink disappearing. Unless you used disappearing ink... What am I getting at? Well I'm quite certain that my computer uses disappearing fonts. I know it sounds so crazy but you know what else sounded crazy? An upper-middle class family from suburban Minneapolis uprooting themselves from their pseudo-Canadian lifestyle and bringing their "O"-lacking accents and wholesome midwestern values to Beverly Hills. Ahh, the good ol' days of disappearing ink and Luke Perry.

Attention everyone! This is my first attempt at mobile blogging. Right now I'm somewhere between Miami and Atlanta. If you do not hear from me again within 3 days, please assume that I have been either kidnapped by the Russian mafia or sold as slave labor to a bunch of hairy Ishmaelites. In either case, the mobile blogging will have proven an unwise choice.

Do what you love

Greetings fellow blog-enthusiasts! Welcome to another exciting According to Me post... So much has happened recently and it may take a few posts to fill you in.

First, if you're not doing what you love to do in life, start running towards that goal. And I do mean run because, and excuse the cliche, life really is way too short. I say this because I have spent a fair amount of time doing things that I didn't want to do until I made a decision to do what I love to do. What this means for me is that I get to teach people how to fly. I get to spend countless hours crammed inside a tiny cockpit, endure stifling heat, hours of repetitive maneuvers, moments of sheer terror, endless turbulence and landings that bounce more than one of Bernie Madoff's checks. And then I step out of the airplane and they solo and return to the earth with a skip in their step and a walk that's just a bit taller because now they're a pilot, and I can't help but smile all the way home.

And from time to time, due to my occupational circumstances, I get to do very fun things. In upcoming posts, I'll tell you more about Soon-to-be and my exciting July 4th weekend trip to Clearwater, FL.

End of the Day

Alright people, let's talk about something that is very important. If you're a person who uses the term "at the end of the day" to offer a summation of critical points of your argument or commentary, please cease and desist immediately. I am somewhat reluctant at this point to persue legal means to persuade your compliance but do understand that I have retained counsel and am prepared for that recourse should it become necessary. As possibly the most over abused cliche in the history of the English language, it is difficult to reach the "end of the day" without hearing it uttered at least once, sometimes several more times, usually from pseudo-intellectual types who don't even make much sense to begin with. Thanks.

Lifestyle Change

I went wakeboarding on Lake Lanier with soon-to-be, neighbor, Marb, and neighbor's sister. Minister was unable to make it due to occupational issues. I feel like I did very well and was able to get up, turn and even exit the wake, stage left. However, if you've never wakeboarded before, you'd be surprised at how difficult it is to turn right, assuming you keep your left foot forward. It's an opposite-Zoolander-watersport thing.

But after my initial training, and some excellent coaching, I moved into some advanced wakeboarding maneuvers and was photographed mid-flip. I have decided to quit my job and join the pro-wakeboarder circuit. It's a pretty intense lifestyle which focuses mainly on Red Bull and Black Eyed Peas singles and may include me getting a pretty sweet joker tattoo. Hopefully I'll be able to obtain some sweet corporate sponsors like Febreeze and Arm & Hammer baking powder. I also look forward to visiting some of America's most formidable wakeboarding lakes like Arkansas's Lake Lotsagatorsinhere, or South Dakota's Bigolcatfishuleatchya Lake. Oh man.

A few things to talk about on Saturday morning

Welcome to the weekend! After an exhaustive week of flying, I'm looking forward to a lazy Saturday afternoon with soon-to-be and a fun day on the lake on Sunday. I think I'll try slalom water skiing again and hopefully I'll be able to get out of the water this time. Larkin is a good boat driver. So, that just might be the biggest problem I have in my life today... pretty cool. There are also many inetresting things going on, both personally and internationally.

I think the protests in Iran are an amazing thing. I'm not a big fan of oppressive regimes (unless of course it's an oppresive Zionist regime) and I support the Iranians who are challenging their government. I am reminded of Abraham Lincoln's famous quote, "Any people anywhere, being inclined and having the power, have the right to rise up, and shake off the existing government, and form a new one that suits them better. This is a most valuable - a most sacred right - a right, which we hope and believe, is to liberate the world..." Go Iran.

CBS has a new reality show in which families will be walled off within their neighborhood. The neighborhood is in Kennesaw, GA, just a few miles from Cobb County Airport. I have been trying to find it from the air but no joy yet. I'll keep you informed.

Soon-to-be and I are less than 3 months away from getting married. I have decided that one of the most annoying things in the world is when people patronizingly tell you to "back out now!", or "don't do it" and then laugh like it's the funniest thing since William Hung sang 'She Bang' on American Idol Season 3. Really people, if your marriage is so horrible maybe you should "back out now" or at least run something a little more original up the old proverbial marriage pole. I guess this could have been part 3 of my 2 Part, 7 Part series on Things in Life that Really Annoy me. Yes, I said it right, re-read it if you have to.

Soon-to-be is also the coolest person I have ever met. Lucky am I to be marrying her, she is the best friend I've ever had.

FB UPDATE: No recent friend cancellations
TWITTER UPDATE: Still not using it
MYSPACE UPDATE: Never used it
iPhone UPDATE: iPhone has become increasingly angry with me and is threatening to nationalize me

UPDATE

After discussing the matter with my minister, I attempted to slalom water ski on Lake Lanier earlier today. If my ultimate goal was to achieve sore muscles, several facefulls of water and a healthier orange glow to my already sunburned body (see previous post for further information on this topic), then today was an unmitigated success. And, if my penultimate goal was to succeed in staying on one ski for at least 3.5 seconds, then again, righteous success.

So thanks to Dave, my Minister and sage, for his counsel and wisdom.

Also, for those of you who are waiting for my 2010 photo calender, the photo shoot ocurred this weekend and was a total success! I've attached a bonus photo to this blog post enititled "Grrr, I'm a tiger", and may even use this one for the March, 2010 photo. Remember you can pre-order your calender today and save 10%.

So many things to write about... so much time. Where shall I begin? Tonight I'll start with my trip to Florida with soon-to-be. I was reminded of many beachy things on this trip, including but not limited to the fact that there is no vocabulary substitute, nor appopriate synonym for "beachy". Also, it was relieving to be refreshed on my antiquated rip-tide escape procedures; something we could all use a refresher on.

We found ourselves on Friday night in Destin, Florida. It's on the panhandle of Florida and is known for it's white sand beaches and emerald green waters; aptly named the Emerald Coast. That morning, soon-to-be and I had loaded ourselves into a 2002 Cessna 172S and made the 237 nautical mile (a nautical mile is just over 6000 feet) trip down to Destin in just under 2 hours. We then proceeded to spend the next 24 of 36 hours glued to the sand, inches from the lapping waves. It was many things, including relaxing, serene, hot, salty, humid, fun and most of all, beachy. I ate a few fresh gulf shrimp, some fresh gulf crab and a couple fresh gulf mosquitos. It was wonderful.

The picture here is of soon-to-be piloting us over Alabama on our way back. She is a great pilot with great sunglasses!

51

Good news people! Here it is, in no particular order except that maybe the coolest stuff is last, so yeah, it is in a particular order, or then again, maybe not, and maybe I put way too many commas into this sentence.

1) This is the 51st post of this blog, which means there were 50 excellent, informative and inspirational "According to Me"s before this one. Hopefully the next 50 will be even better. In fact, I'll be having a 100th post soiree to celebrate. There will be prizes and food and drinks and live entertainment. Comment to this post on what date you think I'll reach this milestone and the person who comes closest will receive a special prize!

2) Sometimes when you think that what's happening in your life is a really bad thing, that very event turns about to be the best thing in the world that could have happened.

3) I have a hair dresser. After an exhaustive, world-wide search that involved multiple locales, 7 cows and 1 unruly Elvis impersonator, I finally found a really great hair dresser in Norcross, GA. What have I learned from all of this? The spikey-haired wet look is out.

4) I am really excited for soon-to-be's sister, who is waxing with child. She is good people and I am sufficiently confident that her posterity will be as well.

5) Soon-to-be and I are planning a trip down to Florida this weekend. We'll be flying ourselves down there which makes the whole thing easier and way more fun. Am I bragging because I have my pilot's license? Yes, and I don' feel bad because I worked my ass off for it.

6) I lost some Facebook friends this week. I'll be okay. If you're looking for a good Facebook friend, I suggest Paul. He understands that the hair fashion world is trending dry-look right now.

7) I would like to try slalom water skiing. I will talk to my wedding ceremony minister about this.

8) Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks for the continued support of the blog and remember to comment about what date you think I'll reach 100 posts. I know it's very exciting.

Celebrity Death Match (and by "celebrity" I mean internet social medium)

As many of you are well aware, According to Me has been angry with my Twitter account for some time. The blog has been understandably jealous and I felt it appropriate to refrain from "twittering" and "blogging" simultaneously; at least until the blog calms down a bit. So for those of you following my Twitter account, my apologies, I'll get back to it soon.

Good movie- "The Hangover". Really funny.
Good blog- "According to Me". Really awesome. But you already know that.

Whats up with that?

What is up with "holocaust deniers"? It's not really an issue that makes me angry or gets me all riled up, I just don't understand it. Not only does there exist actual, physical, tangible, material proof that genocide against 12 million Europeans occurred, the Nazis went to great pains to actually document the event. Saying that it didn't take place is like saying that television doesn't exist. If you went around saying that, maybe making impassioned speeches about how television is a lie perpetrated by an oppressive Zionist regime, people would look at you very strangely and think "Wow, if this person isn't an idiot, then... well, no, they're just an idiot." Is there anyone out there that doesn't think the holocaust actually occurred? I really would love to hear from you.

And what's up with people that remove you as their friend on Facebook? I'm not really offended or hurt by the matter, if I were I would have to kick my own ass. I'm trying to figure out the real-life social equivalent to a FB de-friend and all that ends up happening is me laughing my ass off because I'm even thinking about it.

Does insurance cover this?

I really hope that I'm not an idiot. I mean I really hope that I am smart enough not to cause lasting nerve damage to my elbow by holding my cell phone to my ear for too long. According to a recent CNN online article, we are advised to switch hands while on the phone if our fingers begin to feel numb. It's really too bad because that article, in all its worthless glory, spawned an even further worthless response in the form of this blog commentary. So I'm sorry. Sorry for CNN and sorry you had to read my commentary about it. Hmm, now that I've thought about it, I'm most sorry for the people that don't think to put down the phone when they can't feel their fingers anymore.

Thank You

Thanks to everyone for their support during my illness. I must however, take no responsibility for any post that was submitted during my recent bout of swine flu.

I really like Family Guy.

Welcome to part 2 of my special seven-part series on Things In Life That Annoy Me. This will be the final installment of my seven part special blog-event and I am happy that we have taken this journey together. I hope that my previous six parts have caused you to take pause and examine what it is in life that truly annoys you.

Today we will be discussing the H1N1 virus, or swine flu, and specifically the American reaction to it. This is a thing in life that truly annoys me. According to the Los Angeles Times, multiple cities across the United States are seeing over a 50% increase in the amount of patients showing up to emergency rooms, complaining of flu-like symptoms. Most people have barely more than a sniffle, and are summarily sent on their way, unless of course, they are truly sick and require medical attention. So why the droves flcoking to the hospital because of a sore throat or runny nose? Because the media loves to scare the ever living daylights out of us. First, they throw around terms like "global pandemic", interspersed with grainy photos of past flu pandemics, only to cut to sound bites of World Health Organization officials predicting worst case scenarios. If that's not enough, their morbid lead-in music and swine-flu graphics suggest we are on the brink of total influenza annihilation. Then they write pieces, wrought with surprise and incredulity, about the explosion in ER visits across the US. It's a media created story that feeds on itself.

Let's look at some very simple facts which took me about 4 minutes to obtain from the government's Center for Disease Control website.

*200,000 Americans require hospitalization every year due to influenza related symptoms

*Most people who are hospitalized are admitted due to respiratory or heart problems

*36,000 Americans die every year from influenza

*5% to 20% of Americans get influenza every year, 15-60 million Americans

*This means the average death rate for influenza is .24% as a worst case scenario. That is less than one quarter of one percent

*Currently, according to the CDC, there are 5,469 cases of confirmed swine flu cases in the US.

*6 Deaths have been confirmed linked to swine flu

*That means the death rate is .1%. One tenth of one percent.

Now I'm not saying that swine flu doesn't pose a health problem for some people. I just think the whole issue is overblown and that many in the media irresponsibly perpetutate a panic atmosphere.

In addition, I myself have come down with a nasty bout of influenza, I guess that's why it's on my mind. But it's no worse than what I've had in previous years and it's actually allowed me to get in touch with old friends from the past, like Jerry Springer, who continues to teach me not to find romance with a hermaphrodite hooker from Honolulu. Thanks Jerry.

And thanks to all of you, for engaging with me in this seven-part blog series on Things In Life That Annoy Me.

Part One

Welcome to my in-depth, seven part series on "Trivial Things in Life That Annoy Me". In part one, we will be exploring grocery stores, specifically grocery store self-scan checkout lines and the irritating people that occupy them. This is a trivial thing in life that annoys me.

Do you remember where you were when you saw, for the first time, an automated self-checkout lane at a grocery store? Well me neither. But I do remember thinking, "Wow! This is fantastic. Now I don't have to wait for the cashier to scan the items at his or her own pace, (which usually hovered somewhere between slow and 'dear god does this person have a pulse'), my grocery scanning destiny had been placed squarely in my hands." It was a new world for this perishable pabulum purchaser.

Fast forward to last evening at 8:04pm. I'm in line, once again having chosen the self-checkout lane. I think maybe this will go quickly but succeed in only deceiving myself. There are four checkout lanes and all four are occupied. Lane number 1 is being used by a large woman who has decided to pay her 12 dollar tab with 88 nickels and a phenomenal amount of pennies. This lane will receive its next customer around midnight. On to lane number 2, where a middle-aged man is staring blankly at the screen in front of him. It's beeping and yelling at him, in that calm, digital manner that computers often do and in a moment, the man will turn, perplexed at this maddening piece of technology, and search for human help. But I've moved on to lane 3, where a mother of seven is able to scan items roughly every 90 seconds, in between shouts and stammers at her children which are met with retorts of shrieks and screams. It's an escalating crescendo of exchange with no clear victor in sight. My final option is lane 4 and it holds for me the promise of escape. What it doesn't hold is enough receipt tape to issue the customer ahead of me a receipt. So I waited, and waited and waited some more. Eventually I made it out, with all 12 of my grocery items and enough material for installment one of my special seven part series on Trivial Things in Life That Annoy Me.

If you would like to be a part of this special seven part series, please feel free to email me at benjaminkroll@gmail.com or comment to this post with the Trivial Things in Life That Annoy You.

Congratulations Hollywood

Congratulations to Hollywood. Who finally, after 7 years of quality filmmaking famine, turned out a real good movie. Suprisingly, they came through by updating the classic geek-fest catalyst Star Trek and turned it into an exciting thrill ride worthy of mention in a luadable "According to Me" post.

Many other things happened this weekend. Most of them you probably don't even give a damn about. However, I will write about them and you will read about them. This is the cliffhanger portion of the blog post, the part which keeps you yearning and returning for more. Until then... live long and prosper.

More for you

Another really bad movie I saw was "He's Just Not That In To You". If you haven't seen it, do something to better yourself rather than waste 2 hours feeling uncomfortable.

Angels and Demons

Angels and Demons better be good. I mean really good. Hollywood has made a bunch of crap the past year, starting with that Will Smith bore-fest 7 Pounds. There's been some other really bad ones too and I'd prefer not to go into it.

Hi

Just wanted to say hi to everyone! Hope everyone is doing well and thanks for reading the blog. I'm currently in Florida right now, on one of my marathon tours through the state and hopefully I'll be back before midnight. Really it depends on the weather. If it's too bad I'll stop in Panama City on the way back and stay the night. If not, I'll push through to Atlanta. I'll have more later...

0425

0413 and I have a few things to say.

One, I can type very fast for someone that cannot touch type. However, when it comes to typing in the dark, everything changes.

Two, I am training myself to use only military time. I think we all know why this is important.

Three, I think this whole swine flu thing is a joke. Apparently, it's a mild strain of an influenza virus that is not transmittable through the air. So really, you have to cough on someone to give it to them. And if they get it, life will become very uncomfortable for a few days. And maybe, without proper care or they're under 3 or over 70, it could be as potentially fatal as any other flu bug out there. In short, this giant media hype has about as much chance of really affecting (or is it effecting? any English majors I could use a little help there) me as aw hell, I lost my point. Cut me some slack, it's 0418.

Four, I have a wonderful fiancee who makes me laugh from the time I get up to 3 minutes before I fall asleep. Make sure you have someone in your life who does that for you.

Hope everyone has a great day and don't worry about the swine flu. In fact, don't worry about much at all today.

Congratulations

Congratulations Mrs. Q, "According to Me"s 7th official follower! In recognition of Mrs. Q's efforts, "According to Me" has devoted an entire blog post to her. It's this post if you're wondering.

Quarrels

'According to Me' has recently discovered my Facebook and Twitter accounts. After an unsuccessful attempt to infect me with Swine Flu in a fit of jealousy, I originally planned to punish the blog. However, I believe a three-way battle to the death would be much more appropriate. I will bring to all of my followers a live, streaming video (available later on Podcast) battle royale in which only one internet personal-update medium will survive. May the best trendy social internet tool survive!

14 hours, 5 airports and 1 tractor

I had an uber interesting day last week. Alan had me show up to Pompano Beach Airpark at 8am. This meant that I had to have the airplane preflighted by 330am and wheels up by 340. This picture was taken near Orlando just before sunrise. I think that bright star is Venus. Anyway, after getting Alan at Pompano, we were off to Okechobee, FL because fuel is so cheap there and then we made our way north to Thomasville, Georgia. After that, we stopped in Columus, GA where Alan bought a tractor. Yes, a tractor. Then it was up to Atlanta, Hartsfield International in our little 4-place single engine piston airplane. If you want to know what it's like to land something that small at the world's busiest airport, recall the Visa commercials with the music where everyone is paying with their check cards and then the guy whips out some cash and everything comes to an akward halt? That's it. Now imagine that they day before Thanksgiving. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. After that, just a short jaunt up to Cobb County. Quite a fun day really.

Renovations

I got rid of the useless knowledge gadget on this blog. It was, well, useless.

Where have I been?

Where indeed.

Samsung NC-10

My brother sent me this new Netbook. It is awesome. I had iPhone take this picture of Samsung.

Samsung NC-10